From the recording Artificial Fish (the Musical)

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Mrs. Fiona Demsley and her Chow, Ruff
Hi, Fiona
Hi, Ruff
I'm a tigress, I'm a real, like, a queen
I've found my lap dog dream
Oh, yeah, I know it's tough
Fiona's angry and all that stuff
Yo, speaking in dog gives us a real advantage
Humans can't get a handle on our language

Mr. Ronald Crump, and his Neapolitan Mastiff, Caesar
If I'd known you were invited, I'd have never shown up
I'm gonna fire that damn apprentice when I get back
He didn't tell me you were gonna be here
Hi, Ronald
Hi, Caesar
My dog's so serious with his prominent hair
He shows me off, in Times Square
New Year's Eve, of course

Mr. Charlie Creekbottom, and his standard French Poodle, Maurice
Hi, Charlie
Hi, Maurice
Rolly Moses, that massive Mastiff is ugly
Don't let him drool on Maurice's coiffure, it'll wreck it
Caesar may glisten, but he doesn't drool

Miss Whitney Tears, and her Dalmatian, Dexter
Hi, Whitney
Hi, Dexter
This is fuckin' awesome

Miss Margella Nextdorca, and her King Charles Cavalier Spaniel, Prince Albert
Hi, Margella
Hi, Prince Albert
Hello, everybody! I'm gonna sing Happy Birthday to Honey Bee! Where's Kimberly?
Probably trying on every dress in her closet

Mr. Ken Babflack and his Great Dane, Horace
Good afternoon
Hi, Ken
Hi, Horace
I hope that monster doesn't slobber on Maurice

Poop Dawg and his Saint Bernard, Canary
Hi, Poop
Hi, Canary
What's crack-a-lackin', players? Where's the bar?

Milan Milton, and her Chinchauhua, Tinkerbell
Hi, Milan
Hi, Tinkerbell
This is hot!
I'm intensely loyal to Milan, jealous if she's with any other man

Senator David Douglas, and his English Bull, Churchill
Hi, Senator
Hi, Churchill
Yes, hello to you all

Mr. Enrique Miguel Jose Lorenzo Schmendrick, and his miniature Doberman Pinscher, Paradisio
Hi, Schmendrick
Hi, Paradisio
Oh, for Heaven's sake, my name is Enrique Miguel Jose Lorenzo, for the last time!
Don't think I don't watch his rear when he walks away, it's crystal clear
I see all this fresh meat, but I hope those bush hunts aren't what they seem

Excuse me, pardon me! Please excuse me, part the ways!
Ladies and gentlemen, Kimberly Yoakam and her Chinese Crested Terrier, Honey Bee
Hi, Kimberly
Happy Birthday, Honey Bee

Happy birthday to you (Oh, that Honey Bee, she looks pretty)
Happy birthday to you (Her fur coats and fancy boots)
Happy birthday, dear Honey Bee (Did you see the crystal dog bowls, and cut-up fruits?)
Happy birthday to you (Well, that's beautiful)

Welcome, all!